So, I’ve taken quite a long break from my blog and social media as of late. The reason has been many-fold. To begin, I haven’t been the same since losing my beloved Chloe. I have been in a serious funk since her passing and I am still struggling to pull out of it. I have struggled with severe depression for a large portion of my life and losing her set me into a bit of a tailspin. I have yet to finish writing my memorial to her because it is just too painful. I do hope to have it finished by the one-year anniversary of her death, though.
I also needed the mental break from the ridiculous garbage going on in the White House. Sure, I paid some attention to the news (how can you completely get away??), but I did not spend hours per day (and sometimes most of the day) dwelling and obsessing, which is where I was. I realized how unhealthy this was for me and decided to cut the cord for a bit.
Then in September, I was fortunate enough to get to travel to Spain with my family. My husband spoke at a history conference while we were there, and we got to see his parents, who we had not seen in over a year. Our little one had a blast! She loved seeing her grandparents, and she had so much fun exploring everything. I was taken by how kid friendly they are, so much more than anything I have experienced in the U.S. They truly cherish children over there. If you want to see pics, check out my Instagram.
In October, I had major surgery on my left foot to alleviate the excruciating pain I was in due to end-stage arthritis in my midfoot and to repair a botched bunion surgery I had six years ago. I am still healing/recovering, as it is roughly a four-month process. I really had thought I would spend some of my recovery time writing and perhaps drawing, but I quickly discovered I just couldn’t do it… Since my first six weeks were to be completely non-weight bearing, and my husband had to work and we have a two-year old, my parents came out to help. I get along great with my dad, but tensions with my mom have slowly brewed over the years to the point where I have a hard time talking with her. I hurt deeply from things that have been said to me, and the hypocrisy that comes out of her mouth drives me crazy. She leaves me triggered, so I just avoided being on the internet through much of this time for my own mental health. Sadly, we didn’t do anything for Halloween this year since I had surgery only two weeks prior, and our toddler was sick. This time was also very difficult for me since I couldn’t completely care for myself or my baby. It is so hard to hear your child crying and calling for you, but you can’t do much, or in some cases anything, to help her because of physical limitations. I am very independent, so I struggle with allowing others to step in and help. This all added to my already depressed state.
Our holidays were mostly quiet and peaceful. We stayed at our house for Thanksgiving and drove back home to my parents’ house for Christmas. Again, I had a hard time while being there, feeling on edge the whole time, but it was largely uneventful. I greatly enjoyed meeting up with some old friends for lunch, I only wish there were more time for that! I also got to see a few relatives I haven’t seen in many, many years.
So, for my goals for the upcoming year: first, I plan on being around much more with a variety of blogs and social media posts. I also plan on spending as much time with my sweet little tot as possible, especially since she’ll be going to school before I know it! You can now follow her on Instagram as well at: https://www.instagram.com/auroraxandrie/. We have some traveling scheduled, so I’ll do my best to post pics and commentary about where we are and what we’re doing. I also hope to squeeze in some time to work on my art, jewelry, and crafts. And, I will likely have surgery on my other foot at some point. It’s going to be a busy, but awesome year. I’m staying positive, hopeful, and sober (going on 7 years!) as we embark into 2019. If you want to keep up with me, check out some of my social media accounts (links at the top left); I’m working on building them up a bit and adding posts. And I truly wish everyone a wonderful year ahead!