Heartache

It’s the diagnosis no one wants to hear – cancer.

I now feel heartache when watching my husband of almost 17 years play and laugh with our baby.  Wondering how much of her life he’ll be able to see.  All he ever wanted was children and after a long wait, finally having one of his own that he could cradle, love, and share joy with.  I feel a crippling physical pain in my heart thinking about great memories we have, wondering where has all the time gone?  Memories keep flooding my mind – fun nights out, time spent with our fur baby, feeling free and as though the future was endless…I think back to the early years – the first 5 years we were together before marriage.  We were in college, and the most stressful things in our lives mainly revolved around getting good grades and finishing assignments on time.  We constantly laughed, acted goofy, and went out of our way to do something special and unexpected for the other.  I look at old photos from that time and think to myself ‘wow, we look so young, so vibrant and happy.’  Nowadays, it sometimes feels as though stress hits from every direction.  Long gone are the days of naiveté and silliness.  Now we face a cancer diagnosis and further testing, hoping and praying that everything will be ok; that the doctor was able to remove it all and that it hasn’t spread.  Even while facing this, I sit here with my beautiful family and feel blessed for what we have and try to remind myself that all we have is this one moment – no one is guaranteed a tomorrow, so we must make the most of the time we have that is right in front of us.

Advertisements

One thought on “Heartache

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s