Birth – Part II

All I could do was lay there, still paralyzed from the waist down because of the spinal block, watching the clock tick away.  It was roughly 2:30 am, a little over five hours from the birth of our daughter, and the Air Evac crew was well on their way with her, taking her to the NICU at the nearest Children’s Hospital – two hours away.  I waited anxiously for the call from the NICU physician and/or nurse that she made it there ok and what her status was.  Thankfully, I received said call around 6:00 am, and she did make it there ok and everything was under control.  I would remain in the hospital for almost two more days, staring at the empty bassinet that the nurses neglected to remove from my room and hearing other newborns crying in the adjacent rooms.  As I lay there alone while my husband was running errands, I struggled with the fact that I just had a baby…I struggled with what emotions I was feeling and what I was not feeling.  Truthfully, I felt as though I had just had a routine surgery and was waiting to be discharged.  At the same time, I was overwhelmed with feelings of guilt – was there anything I could have done differently?  Should I have done ‘this’ instead of ‘that’?  Although the medical staff continuously reassured me I did nothing wrong, I could not help but worry.  After I was finally discharged, my husband and I immediately drove to Children’s to see our baby…

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