My Hopes for my Daughter

Though she is just an infant, like most parents, I have hopes and dreams for my daughter.  While I am trying my best to make a good life for her and to expose her to culture, diversity, and the arts, I hope to help her reach her full potential and revel in the simple things.  I want the best for her and for her life to be full and happy.  I want her childhood to be magical, not filled with constant fear.  I want her to feel free to express herself and most importantly, to be herself.  I want her to not be afraid letting the world know who she is in love with, no matter their gender, color, or ethnicity.  I want her to have choices when it comes to her health and well-being.  I want her to know it’s ok if she is unsure about her gender.  I want her to grow up respecting the planet and the plants, animals, and people living on it.  I want her to know we are all one in the same and to not let hate fester in her heart.  I want her to have the freedom to follow her personal spiritual journey and to not feel coerced into a specific belief.  I want her to be strong and independent, and to stand up for what she believes in.

As a side note – I know where I personally stand on political, social, and religious issues, and my intent is not to shove my beliefs down someone else’s throat.  The U.S. is a free country, and with that, we have the freedom to have our own thoughts and feelings, ideas and choices.  However, I do find it deeply disturbing what is going on all over the world today.  I can’t sit back and pretend I am not bothered by reports of animal abuse, hate crimes and hate speech, different groups of people living in fear, being marginalized, profiled, and shunned because of their color, ethnicity, or identity, and people passing judgement because someone goes against what they deem as ‘normal’ and/or ‘right.’  At the end of the day, we all share this planet.  At the beginning of every day, we have an opportunity – an opportunity to do good, to care about others and not just ourselves, to learn and become educated about topics that make us uncomfortable, to remember history and work to not allow it to repeat itself, to realize we don’t know the struggles someone else is facing, and to simply be nice to one another.

~LadyDom13

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Today’s Quote

“The great problem facing modern man is that, that the means by which we live have outdistanced the spiritual ends for which we live. So we find ourselves caught in a messed-up world. The problem is with man himself and man’s soul. We haven’t learned how to be just and honest and kind and true and loving. And that is the basis of our problem. The real problem is that through our scientific genius we’ve made of the world a neighborhood, but through our moral and spiritual genius we’ve failed to make of it a brotherhood.”

~Martin Luther King, Jr., Rediscovering Lost Values, Sermon delivered at Detroit’s Second Baptist Church (28 February 1954), 15 January 1929 – 4 April 1968

Where I have been, plus goals for 2019

So, I’ve taken quite a long break from my blog and social media as of late.  The reason has been many-fold.  To begin, I haven’t been the same since losing my beloved Chloe.  I have been in a serious funk since her passing and I am still struggling to pull out of it.  I have struggled with severe depression for a large portion of my life and losing her set me into a bit of a tailspin.  I have yet to finish writing my memorial to her because it is just too painful.  I do hope to have it finished by the one-year anniversary of her death, though.

I also needed the mental break from the ridiculous garbage going on in the White House.  Sure, I paid some attention to the news (how can you completely get away??), but I did not spend hours per day (and sometimes most of the day) dwelling and obsessing, which is where I was.  I realized how unhealthy this was for me and decided to cut the cord for a bit.

Then in September, I was fortunate enough to get to travel to Spain with my family.  My husband spoke at a history conference while we were there, and we got to see his parents, who we had not seen in over a year.  Our little one had a blast!  She loved seeing her grandparents, and she had so much fun exploring everything.  I was taken by how kid friendly they are, so much more than anything I have experienced in the U.S.  They truly cherish children over there.  If you want to see pics, check out my Instagram.

In October, I had major surgery on my left foot to alleviate the excruciating pain I was in due to end-stage arthritis in my midfoot and to repair a botched bunion surgery I had six years ago.  I am still healing/recovering, as it is roughly a four-month process.  I really had thought I would spend some of my recovery time writing and perhaps drawing, but I quickly discovered I just couldn’t do it… Since my first six weeks were to be completely non-weight bearing, and my husband had to work and we have a two-year old, my parents came out to help.  I get along great with my dad, but tensions with my mom have slowly brewed over the years to the point where I have a hard time talking with her.  I hurt deeply from things that have been said to me, and the hypocrisy that comes out of her mouth drives me crazy.  She leaves me triggered, so I just avoided being on the internet through much of this time for my own mental health.  Sadly, we didn’t do anything for Halloween this year since I had surgery only two weeks prior, and our toddler was sick.  This time was also very difficult for me since I couldn’t completely care for myself or my baby.  It is so hard to hear your child crying and calling for you, but you can’t do much, or in some cases anything, to help her because of physical limitations.  I am very independent, so I struggle with allowing others to step in and help.  This all added to my already depressed state.

Our holidays were mostly quiet and peaceful.  We stayed at our house for Thanksgiving and drove back home to my parents’ house for Christmas.  Again, I had a hard time while being there, feeling on edge the whole time, but it was largely uneventful.  I greatly enjoyed meeting up with some old friends for lunch, I only wish there were more time for that!  I also got to see a few relatives I haven’t seen in many, many years.

So, for my goals for the upcoming year:  first, I plan on being around much more with a variety of blogs and social media posts.  I also plan on spending as much time with my sweet little tot as possible, especially since she’ll be going to school before I know it! You can now follow her on Instagram as well at: https://www.instagram.com/auroraxandrie/.  We have some traveling scheduled, so I’ll do my best to post pics and commentary about where we are and what we’re doing.  I also hope to squeeze in some time to work on my art, jewelry, and crafts.  And, I will likely have surgery on my other foot at some point.  It’s going to be a busy, but awesome year.  I’m staying positive, hopeful, and sober (going on 7 years!) as we embark into 2019.  If you want to keep up with me, check out some of my social media accounts (links at the top left); I’m working on building them up a bit and adding posts.  And I truly wish everyone a wonderful year ahead!

Countdown to #Halloween! (plus where I’ve been)

We are just under two months from #Halloween!

Well, I really wanted to start my Halloween countdown at the three month mark, but life gets in the way.  I’ve been sooo busy with my little one – therapy appointments, parent-tot gymnastics, toddler time at the library, and so on.  We are also heading to Spain in a couple weeks for some amazing family time!  So, getting ready for that has kept me quite busy as well.  And, on top of that, mid-October I will be having major foot surgery at Mayo to correct a failed surgery from six years ago that has been causing me tremendous pain.  Fun times!  Maybe while I’m laid up and healing, I’ll have a bit more PC time.  I’m also still grieving from the loss of my sweet Chloe.

And to be honest, I’ve also been taking a bit of a social media and news break too.  I’ve been feeling triggered and deeply depressed by the constant barrage of what is happening to our country, and the nightmarish circus (to put it mildly) that is this administration.  I’ve found the best thing for me when I’m feeling this way is to just take a mental break from it all.  So, I’ve been spending much of my free time (when my toddler is sleeping), creating hair pieces and playing brain games on my phone to get my mind off it all.  I’ve also been planning out my upcoming art and craft projects that I can’t wait to share.  Hope everyone is doing great!